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Man woman quotes funny

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And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… Just couple of nations not talking with each other. Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected :]. You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other. Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..

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Funny Men And Women Quotes

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How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man.

What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational..

Because the leather smells like a new car. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. I called tech support and told them my computer is frozen. They said to hold the power button, and I was like 'Ummm.. Beer Quotes Drinking Know Quotes. Albert Einstein. Famous Quotes Love Quotes Sayings.

Drinking Sayings Top Facebook Marriage Quotes Short Quotes. Questions Short Quotes Top Pablo Picasso. Robert Bloch. Sayings Short Quotes Think Quotes. Groucho Marx. Animals Happy Quotes Top Lily Tomlin. Life Quotes Short Quotes. Maryon Pearson. Marriage Quotes Short Quotes. Jacques Deval. Marriage Quotes Think Quotes. Cool Funny Quotes.

35 Classic Quotes About The Differences Between Men & Women

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. Men marry women with the hope they will never change.

Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Men never remember, but women never forget. The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.

100 Funny Quotes and Sayings about Women with Hilarious Images

I like my coffee hot and strong, like I like my women , hot and strong I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not. I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food. That's the perfect microcosm for men and women : it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions. I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate. Men look at breasts the way women look at babies.

Men And Women Quotes

Milk Snort! The Joke Game. More Info - Watch The Video. Hilarious quotes and funny sayings about women. Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

We men are often the brunt of some disdain from the female of the species and quite rightly so!

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Funny Quotes About Men to Make You Laugh Till Your Insides Hurt

Life is too short to be spent in being sad and cribbing about things. A funny incident here and there can help add a glint of smile to a boring day. Anything hilarious, be it a funny scene, incident or even a quote, always brings sunshine to a gloomy day. Funny quotes about anything can help keep your life on a high note.

Sign Up. My Account. Privacy Settings. Men And Women Quotes. Please enable Javascript This site requires Javascript to function properly, please enable it. All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.

Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

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Explore Men And Women Quotes by authors including William Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, and Jordan Peterson at BrainyQuote.

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