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How to get closer in marriage

Happy relationships shouldn't be hard work! That's one of the upbeat findings from my landmark study of marriage, which has been following married couples since While many relationship experts say you need to focus on fixing what's wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much greater impact on couples' happiness. Here are nine ways to deepen your relationship bond and be a happier couple, based on my research study. Accept your partner's uniqueness. We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on.

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How to Improve Your Marriage and Make It Stronger Than Ever

Happy relationships shouldn't be hard work! That's one of the upbeat findings from my landmark study of marriage, which has been following married couples since While many relationship experts say you need to focus on fixing what's wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much greater impact on couples' happiness.

Here are nine ways to deepen your relationship bond and be a happier couple, based on my research study. Accept your partner's uniqueness. We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are. Unrealistic expectations lead to chronic frustration, which my study found is the main reason relationships fail. Do random acts of kindness -- often. Small gestures that say "I'm thinking of you" are essential to keep the relationship bond strong -- e.

Hand holding, touching or a midday love email are all small ways of showing affection. Research shows that the accumulation of small gestures has a bigger impact on couple happiness than grand, less frequent gestures. Devote 10 minutes a day to connecting. Most couples think they talk to each other all the time. But how often do you talk about things that really deepen your understanding of your mate? The happy couples in my study talked to each other frequently -- not about their relationship, but about other things -- and felt they knew a lot about their spouse in four key areas: friends, stressors, life dreams, and values.

Set aside 10 minutes a day -- I call it "The Minute Rule," to talk to your partner about anything other than work, family, the household, or the relationship. This simple change infuses relationships with new spirit and life. Fall in love all over again -- weekly. Spontaneous dates are great, but the truth is that we're busy and we often don't make time for our lover. Keep your love relationship healthy with a once-a-week date -- dinner out, a movie, dancing, an art show, couples yoga -- whatever.

Take turns planning it. Men: studies show that women are more passionate and their libido is stronger when they are out of their home setting--away from kids and chores. Watch what happens when you book a night at the local hotel, and get a friend or relative to watch the kids and pets. Change and grow -- together. Your love relationship is a living thing that needs nourishment to grow and develop.

The best way to nurture it is to infuse it with change. Much like fertilizer for a plant, introducing change into relationships has been shown to be a key ingredient to couple happiness.

The changes can be small, but they have to upset the routine enough to make him or her sit up and take notice. Switch roles: If he always makes the dinner reservation, let her do it. Or interrupt routines: Play hooky from work and do something fun together, like visiting a museum or tourist spot nearby.

Or try something new: Take a water-skiing class together, or go on a mediation retreat. Get to know each other's friends and family. My research found that men, in particular, are happier when the female has a good relationship with his family.

Also, couples who accept -- not necessarily love -- each other's friends and make an effort to know them report being happier than couples who have separate friends and separate family lives. Be a caregiver. One of the three things couples need for a happy relationship is support the other two needs are reassurance and intimacy. The happy couples in my study uniformly said that having a partner who was "there for them" was one of the most important aspects of their relationship.

Men often like to give instrumental support -- the kind of support that fixes or solves a problem. Women often like to give emotional support -- empathetic listening and constructive feedback. Find out what type of help your partner really wants first, and then give it to him or her -- often and consistently. Keep it light -- and full of light. Laughter is a spiritual practice. In marriage, it acts as happiness medicine. To keep your relationship from slipping into a rut, you need to balance the rational aspects of your partnership with the fun parts.

Yes, you need to do certain things to keep your life orderly and your partnership secure. But don't forget to play. Try to rediscover the pure delight of playing a game, acting childish in the snow, watching a silly movie, dragging her onto the dance floor, and so on. Find a healthy way to communicate. The happy couples from my long-term study of marriage all said that good communication skills were what kept them together and thriving.

This means not only asking your partner what he or she needs, but telling your partner what you need. It means checking in regularly to find out what stressors are rearing their ugly head in your partner's life, and it means learning how to fight fair -- no name calling, shaming, or kitchen sinking bringing up everything that's bothered you for the last year.

References: [1] Terri L. University of Michigan, Institute for Social Research. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Follow Us. Part of HuffPost Wellness. All rights reserved. Huffington Post. Suggest a correction. Newsletter Sign Up. Successfully Subscribed!

12 small ways to stay close with your partner when the honeymoon phase is over

When the kids aren't around, it's easy to want to sit and do nothing for a break. But your marriage can easily fall into a rut if you and your spouse don't take advantage of those stolen moments with each other. Balance your children and married life with fun things couples should do together right now to strengthen your bond with each other.

Ask each other personal questions. Some, like Dr. You can take this quiz and learn yours.

Do you feel yourself slipping away from your partner? Do you feel as if you no longer have much in common — when you used to have many of the same interests and passions? And, do you feel like you rarely spend time with your partner anymore? How can you mend a relationship teetering on the edge of a cliff?

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This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. Learn more. In the New Year, many couples continue making the same mistakes in their relationship as they did the last year. However, there are some couples who have decided that although they are making the same mistakes, they have accepted responsibility for their actions and are ready to move forward with making their relationship better and becoming closer. So what makes these couples different from couples who are ready to give up, let go, and walk away from their relationship or marriage. But I also believe, that there are other things couples do to make their relationship last and to grow closer together , that other couples fail to do.

101 Tips for a Happier Marriage: Simple Ways for Couples to Grow Closer to God and to Each Other

Join us each month for a review of a book pertaining to marriage, dating, family life, children, parenting, and all other things For Your Marriage. Where some books have a dedication, this book has a page with three centered lines. You are not. Your spouse is not.

By the end of the day, we're usually exhausted. By the end of the week, that date night we might have planned tends to get swapped for vegging out in front of the TV and binge-watching the latest show on Netflix.

But what happens when the honeymoon phase fizzles out, and you lose that initial spark? It's okay to not be constantly stimulated — after all, if you need your partner to fill your boredom, you're probably in the relationship for the wrong reasons. That said, there are ways to dive deeper in your relationship to stimulate each other in new, just-as-exciting ways — if you stay stagnant in the same place, anyway, the relationship may not be a healthy one that fosters growth.

17 Questions that Can Help You and Your Partner Become Closer

That person whom you share the house with? The love of your life — remember? With the endless stress of daily responsibilities and getting the kids from one place to another, it can be tough to keep those same loving feelings that you felt when you said "I do.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: GET CLOSER TO GOD IN YOUR MARRIAGE -- THE LAST WARNING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE -- WATCH NOW!!!

You might find yourself just going through the motions with your partner, rather than really appreciating the time you spend together. And if this has made you feel distant from your significant other, you may be trying to think of little ways to get closer to your partner. Fortunately, there are little routines you can fit into your week that are easy, and nourishing to your relationship. Like most things, relationships need care and attention to thrive. Candice Smith , sex expert and founder of Two to Tango Intimacy Coaching, tells Bustle, "I like to think of relationship maintenance like tending a garden.

9 New Ways to Deepen Your Relationship Bond

When we feel disconnected from our romantic partner what we often want most is to genuinely feel their love again, to feel connected. And yet, it can be so difficult to simply share that longing. Or we simply withdraw. This is especially true for sensitive souls like me, who are a bit hard up on assertiveness. There was just so much at risk in speaking, and my thoughts came slower when I was feeling nervous, which was often.

Balance your children and married life with fun things couples should do together It's also a great time to snuggle and get closer while doing something so.

A romantic getaway isn't the only way to reignite the spark in your marriage. Likewise, there are options beyond running to a marriage therapist if you're disagreeing about key issues. If you're wondering how to improve your marriage, there are small things you can do that can have a big impact over time. Certain everyday habits can bring you and your spouse closer, though you might not think of these on your own. Here are 10 surprising tips to bolster your marriage that are too easy not to take.

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